Always The Good Girl
by overkill-Max
Summary: When Olivia realizes she likes Sebastian she's relieved she's not confused about liking guys, because she's always been the good girl and good girls don't fall in love with other girls. Olivia/Viola
1. From The Beginning

**Summary:** Rewrite of Always the Good Girl as a thank you to all the wonderful reviews I got, the story alerts and favorites I was put on.

If you've never read this: it starts with Olivia's point of view before the events of She's The Man and takes off from there.

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Olivia Lennox had always been a good girl. Ever since she was a born and her parents brought her home from the hospital, she'd been well behaved. She wasn't fussy like all her parent's friends babies and for that they were eternally grateful. Her big blue eyes were always sparkling and alert to the world but she didn't make a big production about needing attention like the other babies seemed to do. She would giggle and just seem happy to be there, regardless of where she was and wouldn't cry unless she was sick or hurt. As she kept growing up, she didn't give her parents a hard time like everyone predicted. They said that their good luck would run out and to be prepared for the terrible twos. But those never reared their ugly head to disturb their household. Olivia was still the same sweet kid she had always been, even if sometimes she was stubborn and it took a little coaxing to get her to share her toys with the other kids. Olivia always gave in when her parents sat her down and asked her to please share her toys and be nice because she didn't want to see their faces look sad that she wasn't playing nice. That's how they knew that they could always count on their little girl to do the right thing time and time again.

When she started going to school, in kindergarten, she was the only girl that wanted to stay indoors during recess and play with her teachers instead of the other kids because being outside meant getting messy and she didn't want to ruin her pretty dresses. Princesses didn't wear muddy dresses and she wanted to be a princess just like Cinderella because it was her favorite movie in the whole world, so she took extra good care of her blue dresses that her parents said brought out her eyes. She didn't want to stop wearing them because they were her favorites and she saw what happened to all the boys that got grass stains and mud all other their favorite Spiderman shirts. They had to stop wearing them and throw them away because the stains didn't wash off completely and their parents didn't want them to wear them anymore. So instead, she had tea parties with her two teachers. She would pour juice into small plastic cups and put cookies onto tiny saucers from the special ones her mom packed just for her recess parties. As she talked to the teachers who instead of feeling worn down and cornered by yet another kid craving their attention and cutting in on their one break, they would get teary eyed as their chests swelled with pride over getting Olivia Lennox in their class. They would love to make all the other teachers jealous by talking about how cute she was, because she would fret over them, making sure they got the cookies with the biggest chocolate chips and that her mom specifically pack their favorite juice, not Olivia's, but theirs. The other staff members would roll their eyes at their own kids and wonder why they didn't win the lottery with the small blonde Lennox girl and wondered if it was too late to stage a coupe and steal her from the other classroom.

Olivia liked being a good girl because all the teachers, not just her own, treated her like she was special. They would smile at her in the hall and even when the other kids started to make fun of her for being a teacher's pet, she didn't stop being herself. She didn't insult the other kids or cry about it. She just shrugged and said that it was true because being a teacher's pet was awesome. Olivia smiled because she didn't smell like dirt after recess. Her dresses didn't have spit running down the front of them or snot stuck in her sleeves like all the boys did when their break was over. She liked having clean dresses and eventually, after a couple of weeks, the other kids stopped making fun of her because she wasn't weird like the four eyed kid that ate paste or the fat kid that stole everyone's lunches. She became popular with the other kids because she was always nice to them, didn't mind sharing, even when she didn't have to because she was the teacher's favorite and she could color inside the lines better than anyone else. They all fought to sit next to her when it came time to do arts and crafts because Olivia had the prettiest hand writing, her cursive had nice big loops that weren't sloppy and turned into print halfway through.

As the blonde kept growing up, she remained the same sweet person she'd always been. She did what was asked of her without protesting, unlike the other kids her age, who had a tendency to voice their displeasure whenever they were ordered around by adults in their lives. It never really bothered Olivia because she liked following the rules, it was easy to be a good girl when you knew what was expected of you. She knew when to raise her hand, when to sit up a little straighter and when to ask for help with something she could do in her sleep, just to make the people around her feel special and needed. She breezed through life with excellent grades and popularity because she was a genuinely nice person that cared about her studies. As she matured into a young lady, all the invisible rules she'd internalized grew with her because she joined the Junior Debutantes at her mother's insistence. Finding out that she actually loved it was a bonus. It gave her a new set of rules to live by, now she could behave like a proper young lady regardless of the situation she found herself in.

Olivia Lennox had always been a good girl. And now she was breaking all the rules she'd ever learned by kissing another girl she barely knows, while slightly intoxicated, at a party she happened to inadvertently crash. Olivia didn't care that anyone could walk into the room at any minute. Something about the kiss feels so right that her eternal goody-two-shoes and stickler for rules nature doesn't care one bit. She scoots a little closer on the bed the other girl cups her face with clammy palms that feel cool against her warm cheeks. Regardless of who could walk in, she doesn't want to stop. So she doesn't.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Olivia didn't mean for her night to end up like this. What should have been a nice Friday night where she could go on a date with her boyfriend in order to reconnect with each other turned into something unpredictable. She had made dinner reservations weeks ago, feeling that it was getting harder and harder to compete for Chris' attention when all he seemed to talk about were parties, drinking, and ultimate Frisbee. She knew that it was a bit of an imposition to make the reservations first and then tell him, but if she hadn't done this way, she was sure he would have blown her off again to hang out with his new college friends. Olivia hadn't meant to play the manipulative girlfriend card, but high school without him was hard enough, she didn't feel like competing with a whole new campus whenever she wanted to get his attention. But her plan had worked and she stopped feeling so bad about it. He seemed fine with it… until he received a couple of texts and then a phone call that he had to take outside. When he came back in from the hallway, he told her that he had to go meet some friends before dinner, they were all preparing for their midterms and he had Robbie's notebook. Olivia sighed, knowing that it wouldn't be fair for the other boy to study without his own notes, so she agreed to wait in the car while he ran in and dropped it off.

After ten minutes of waiting, she started getting restless. Chris had rushed into the frat house but no one seemed to actually be exiting that place. If anything, more students arrived and closed the door behind them, leaving her feeling abandoned. When another ten minutes and then another passed, Olivia got tired of waiting and decided that since they had lost their reservation, it would only be fair if Chris took her someplace else for dinner as an apology for forgetting her outside. It wasn't the date she had planned but she was willing to be flexible just to spend time with him this weekend. She bit her lip, leaned against the car door as she closed it, squared her shoulders and made her way to the entrance. Olivia thought that she could go in for a quick look, make small talk with his friends and then drag him out so they could salvage whatever was left of their date.

Once she got inside, however, it was a whole different story.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Looking for Chris in a house full of cloned all American boys with Abercrombie clothes, backwards baseball caps and khaki shorts was made even harder by all the drunken borderline men openly leering at her. It felt as if they could see through her clothes and it was a bit jarring. The guys, seeing her walking around by herself decided that she was the perfect target and they all either gave her cheesy lines or tried to get her as massively drunk as they were. Olivia tried being polite by telling them she wasn't interested but she was flattered none the less but the alcohol clouded their judgment and they interpreted her disinterest as a challenge. She was about to run back to the car and call this failed expedition and her date night a disaster when a group of girls spotted her and after a couple of minutes, one of them took pity on her. She walked over and rescued her from the overly enthusiastic guys trying to impress her with tired lines about how good they were at beer pong or how many beers they could drink more than their buddies.

The introductions happened so fast that she only caught their names. Sally, Jenny "with a y, the one in black is Jennie with an ie," Brenda and Marie. "And I'm Olivia Lennox, nice to meet you." She said as she joined the group. There were two blondes, a redhead and two brunettes; they all had straightened their hair, making it harder for Olivia to tell them apart. The only one that stood out was a brunette that kept rolling her eyes after every third thing the other girls said and winking at her, like they shared a private joke. Olivia smiled back while discreetly trying to look around for signs of her boyfriend. She kept making noncommittal sounds at the group, not wanting them to think she was being rude by acting uninterested in their conversation but also anxious to get out of the frat house.

"So, are you a freshman or something? I haven't seen you at any of the Kappa Omega Iota parties before." Asked one of the Jenny's, the one wearing black.

"No, I… I actually don't go here; I'm just looking for my boyfriend, Chris. Christopher Arden. He's a freshman here and we're supposed to be on a date tonight…" before she could finish with the details of her ruined night, a blonde interrupted her with laughter "…but he just stopped by for a quick chat with hit frat buddies and suddenly he disappeared?"

The redhead scoffed into her drink. "Like we've never heard that old line before. We're from the KO-ta's sister sorority and if we didn't hold joint parties with our boyfriends all the time, we swear we'd never see them." The other girls agreed and suddenly Olivia felt too young and too out of place in that packed fraternity house. She wanted to look for her boyfriend so they could get out of there because she didn't want to talk about college boys and sororities. She just felt lost in this world with murky rules and underage drinking. She was searching her brain for a good excuse to leave the group without being rude when another girl spoke up. It was the brunette that kept making her smile.

"Hey, why don't we just look around for him, like together? Two sets of eyes are always better than just one, right?" Olivia stared at her and tried to place her name from the hurried introductions. Seeming to sense her predicament, the other girl extended her hand and reintroduced herself as Marie. Olivia smiled, relieved at being saved from committing a faux pas and giggled as the other girl pretended to ask if her name was Jenny with a "y" or Jennie with an "ie". It made her feel at ease to have this girl be so nice to her. She automatically relaxed and even though she knew that she didn't fit in, it didn't seem to matter because Marie also seemed like an outsider. Olivia didn't know if it was because she was quieter than her friends or something else. She wondered if she was even in the KO-ta sorority because of how much she seemed to stand out from the other girls. Before Olivia could get too lost in her own thoughts, Marie grabbed her hand and led them away from the group they'd been in.

"Come on, let's grab something to drink first, I'm all out." Marie screamed in her ear, the music was so loud that it felt like a whisper against her skin and Olivia felt too hot. As she was about to complain about it to Marie, the brunette turned around and kept walking. The music drowned out everything she had wanted to say and so she kept on moving against the sweaty bodies of dancing college students reeking of Axe body spray and perfumes so sweet that she could taste a whole bowl of fruit in the back of her throat before they moved five feet. Song after song kept playing off of somebody's iPod and Olivia realized she didn't know any of the lyrics. They walked further into the house and it became even more crowded as an impossible amount of people tried to cram itself into such a small amount of space. The mass throng of students trying to get beer pushed up against them, making Olivia hold on tighter to Marie's hand, fearing she would lose her and be without anything moderately familiar in this ridiculously large house that was filled to the brim with intoxicated bodies. _Oh, Chris you idiot, where did you run off to? _Was the only thought she was capable of making because the speakers were so loud that she swore she'd never recover her hearing if she ever managed to get out of this place.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After pushing past what appeared to be all the students on campus and a disorienting number of doors, they were finally standing outside a bathroom. Marie looked so proud of herself that she didn't have the heart to tell her they weren't at the drink station. A line started to form behind them and she didn't understand why everyone looked so happy to be using a tiny bathroom. Olivia just wanted to head to the kitchen so they could get their drinks and continue on her fruitless quest to find her boyfriend. Just as she was about to ask Marie if she should wait for her the door swung open and she caught a look as to why it seemed so important that they all share this one bathroom. The bathtub was filled with ice and gleaming cans of aluminum, as she got closer; she saw the giant keg that was hidden behind the shower curtain. It had been buried there all along and suddenly she felt silly for not having known that this was where all college kids appeared to store their copious amounts of illegally procured alcohol. "Finally, I thought the last person in here had fallen in. So tell me, what will you have?" Marie laughed as she asked her with a victorious smile.

Olivia wasn't much of a drinker because she'd never actually drank. Ever. While other kids her age were busy stealing from their parents liquor cabinet and throwing up all over themselves, she found other ways to fill up her time. She bit her lip, not knowing how to get out of the situation without seeming self-righteous because she really needed a friend and she wasn't prepared to lose the only person she felt comfortable around over a drink. She sighed and thought about her choices very carefully while Marie fished her own drink out of the ice. _Let's see:_ _I don't know anyone here besides all those Jennies and their posse, but I don't know exactly how to find my way back to them. The only girl that's being nice to me offered me a drink but she's not really pressuring me to have one. Should I have one in order to avoid an awkward conversation about how I'm not even 17 yet and I don't drink or should I just take the drink so I can avoid insulting her? I wish I knew where Chris was... but if I did, I wouldn't be in this situation so I have to decide… I… I guess I could just accept the drink and sip it slowly and then dump it once we find Chris. Yes. Ok, yeah. That sounds reasonable. _"Ummm I don't know; why don't you just surprise me?" Olivia smiled weakly as Marie stared at her. The other girl just smiled and dipped her hands back into the ice, trying to find just the right one.

"Ha! Found it! Those guys always act so tough, acting like they hate fruity drinks but they're the first ones to drink them. I can't believe there's two left. Like seriously bros, why do you guys put on this stupid act if we all know you love the bitch drinks? They should stop pretending to be immune to tasty tequila mixers and get over themselves, you know?"

Olivia laughed, not really understanding the rant the older girl was going off on but wanting to fit into the party atmosphere. "Yeah, they're always so silly over things like that. They should really just get over themselves." She echoed, hoping she sounded less like the high school student she was and more like an old hat in these sorts of things.

"Drink up blondie" Marie said before winking and tipping her drink in Olivia's direction. She mimicked the brunette's actions and took a demure sip from her tequila mixer, relieved at the fact that it didn't taste as horrible as all her friends led her to believe. With a huge smile aimed at Marie, Olivia said a breathless "Thank you," and with that, the night took a turn for the unexpected.

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**Author's Note:** Ok this is the first chapter of my _Always The Good Girl_ rewrite project. I hope you like this one as much and if not, more than the original. So tell me your thoughts on the whole thing :)


	2. Unexpected

Having never drunk before, Olivia didn't understand the concept of pacing herself when it came to alcohol. This was made more difficult by the fact that the brightly colored syrup masked how much tequila was in each mixer with sugary sweetness. At first, it was easy taking demure sips from the cold bottle in her hand. The other held on tightly to Marie's, still afraid of losing her in the crowded space. But as they kept going in what felt like giant circles in search of Chris, the sips started turning into gulps as she fought against the heat generated by all those bodies pressed up against one another. With every available inch of space taken, it made Olivia thirstier and thirstier. Soon, that too hot feeling spread from her hand to her whole body and she had to keep drinking a bit more just so she could feel grounded.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After finishing her drink a couple of minutes ago, Olivia didn't know what to do with the empty bottle. She looked around but there weren't that many trashcans. _We then, that's just poor party planning on their part. Where are people supposed to deposit their empty containers?_ Suddenly, answering this predicament became vital. She didn't know why she just had to know what to do with her drink. The only person that could help her was walking a couple of steps ahead of her. Not wanting to shout inside a house, Olivia stood still, making the other girl stop once she felt her hand getting caught by the resistance of Olivia's unmoving body. Marie turned around and stared at her inquisitively. Olivia smiled because the other girl was now paying attention to her but she still wasn't close enough to hear her so she pouted. The brunette's eyes still looked a bit confused so Olivia tugged on her hand… maybe a little harder than she normally would have and the other girl crashed into her, nearly taking them down. Olivia giggled at the absurdity of it all and Marie smiled at her with that same look on her eyes. Like she was trying to figure her out but she just couldn't find exactly what she was looking for.

After a couple of minutes of standing around staring at each other, Olivia remembered what she needed and blushed. How could she have forgotten that she wanted to know where the trash cans were? "Hey… ummm… where do we throw these bottles away? I don't want to be a bad guest and just put them on a counter like everyone else seems to be doing. That seems kind of mean." She offered up a smile and Marie squinted at her, like she was trying to make sure that Olivia was speaking in English. She bit her lip because she didn't want to repeat herself, she'd already forgotten half of the words she used and being stared at by Marie made her feel really nervous for some reason. Like her stomach was unsettled but she hadn't eaten anything yet.

Marie took the bottle from her hand while never breaking eye contact and Olivia felt like there was something on her face that only the brunette could see. It made her blush again and soon the red spread from her cheeks all the way to the tips of her ears. The older girl smiled, apparently having found what she'd been searching for and winked at Olivia before setting down the bottle on a table that was already littered with half-finished plastic red cups and beer cans. "Well then blondie, it's a good thing you're with me, because I couldn't give two fucks about these losers." Olivia was about to voice her objections to that when Marie laughed and started dragging her back towards the same direction they'd come from. "Don't worry about it, ok? They're going to get the new pledges to clean the place up tomorrow morning while they sleep off their hangovers. It's what they always do when they trash the place."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"I actually need to use the bathroom. Could you wait for me outside though? I don't want to lose you." Marie's lips curled into a smile as she turned her head from the bathtub and nodded after briefly meeting her eyes. "Sure. Yeah. No problem." The brunette got two more drinks and dried her hands on the back of her shirt before making her way outside. "I'll just be a minute." Olivia reminded her. "And I'll be right here." Her new friend answered as she leaned against the wall. The blonde smiled and locked the door. She wobbled to the toilet and rolled her eyes at herself for nearly falling over her own feet.

When she stood up, a little too fast, the room seemed to spin around her. Olivia sighed as she washed her hands. She didn't know what was happening. She stared at herself in the mirror as she dried her hands, glassy eyes and a loopy smile greeted her. Olivia touched the reflection to make sure it was still her; she didn't recognize herself this way. Maybe this was the reason why everybody drank, your body feels lighter and sluggish at the same time and nothing worries you as much as it should.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Olivia got handed another drink after she exited the washroom. It didn't seem weird because they were still going to wander around the frat house in search of Chris and she didn't want to be empty handed. She automatically reached for Marie's hand, before the other girl could even turn around to lead them away from the bathroom and smiled at the brunette in front of her; feeling satisfied that she had actually made a friend tonight. It wasn't the night she expected but it was still a lot more fun than being stuck in a car all night. Marie tilted her head sideways and did that thing where she studied her, like Olivia's face was a sign and she needed directions. Olivia bit her lip and then giggled before shoving the other girl's shoulder in a light and playful manner. "What? Why do you keep staring at me?" Marie shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "You're super weird, you know that?" She added when the older girl didn't answer her.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They once again navigated the crowded house in a direction she couldn't keep track of. Marie leaned in to say something but Olivia didn't hear her so she just nodded when the other girl looked at her, expecting an answer. The two girls weaved their way to the back of the house and exited through the sliding glass doors. The porch and backyard had even more students than Olivia had seen inside. Clouds of nicotine tinged smoke rose above several groups that were talking animatedly and laughing too loudly at shared jokes.

They stood outside for a couple of minutes, trying to catch their breath and take a break from the heat inside. Olivia fanned her face with her hands and Marie pressed her drink to her forehead. When Olivia coughed for the fifth time, being bothered by the smoke that kept making its way to her nose, Marie took her hand and dragged her back inside.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They continued to wander around aimlessly, but halfway through her new mixer, Olivia got this weird feeling that they kind of stopped looking so hard. As if Chris was just a forgotten excuse to stay at the party with the other girl. They stopped going around in giant circles and sat down at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to the second floor. The music was still too loud and it felt as if she had to lean closer and closer to Marie just to hear her. Even then, it seemed like she was losing a lot of information because for some reason the brunette kept whispering the ends of her sentences so Olivia couldn't quite hear her. Her breath felt warn on her ears so she didn't mind it as much as she should, even when they were being terribly rude to everyone else by whispering to each other in the middle of a crowded house.

Their drinks disappeared as quickly as their last ones and when Olivia stood up, all the blood rushed from her head to the rest of her body, carrying the alcohol with it. Having never experienced being this drunk, Olivia didn't anticipate being hit so hard by the tequila all of a sudden, seeing as she had been fine before. She held onto Marie's arm as she became used to this new feeling and the other girl merely smiled at her and arched her eyebrows upwards. Olivia nodded because of course she was fine and the other girl just smiled as she took her hand to lead her upstairs.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When they wound up alone in someone's room, Olivia didn't find it suspicious at all. Maybe it was the alcohol clouding her judgment, but she did see some kind of logic in standing still. Like when kids get lost in a grocery store. So when Marie closed the door behind her to make sure they were alone as they waited for Chris to show up, Olivia just smiled at the other girl. Chris would find them, she was sure of it. Even if he didn't know whose room it was or if he would even know that Olivia was here, waiting in this one specific room for him. Or that they had long ago stopped talking about the boy in question and had simply kept the conversation about themselves in a tone that suggested other things that Olivia's foggy brain couldn't decipher. It didn't seem wrong, so Olivia didn't question it.

It didn't seem wrong that Marie was invading her personal space as she walked around the room, taking in the pictures this stranger had up, but it did make the room more dizzying than it was before, prompting Olivia to lean against the desk. Marie sat on the bed and smiled at her, making her light brown eyes glisten. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was something else that made them dance the way they did all over Olivia's body. The blonde girl didn't know. The brunette threw her hair back over her shoulder and laughed, telling Olivia how cute she was and asking her to join her on the bed. Olivia's brain was screaming something but the rest of her body had already listened to Marie. Before she could think about it too long, Marie patted the space right next to her and Olivia complied, sitting down and pushing her hair behind her ears, unsure of what to talk about.

She tried bringing Chris up but the brunette just rolled her eyes to appease the blonde as she continued inching closer. Olivia sat perfectly still, listening to Marie complain about how loud the party was and how good it felt to be alone somewhere a bit more private, somewhere where they could get to know each other a little better. Olivia nodded, knowing that the music had been too loud and they could barely hold a decent conversation. It was a valid argument… outside the room. Inside, it was so quiet that they could hear each other breathing. The party had been and they had shouted in order to fight against the noise… in here it seemed that they didn't want to talk at all… as if any sound could break whatever was happening.

The thought of edging away from the other girl had crossed Olivia's mind but her body stayed still. She brushed it off as her not being rude by turning away when someone was talking to her, even if no words were being said. When Marie put her hand on Olivia's thigh, to balance herself so she could take off her heels, it didn't seem right to push her away or to tell her that her hand was like fire, that it made her feel funny. Because Olivia knew that heels were torture after a couple of hours, even if they had been sitting for as long as she could remember.

If she thought back to it, Olivia could have read all the signs of how she had been inadvertently flirting with the brunette all night. How big the holes were in the other girl's weak arguments about heels and the need to search for silence. But they seemed so logical to her alcohol impaired brain that she just couldn't challenge them with anything better than a few "yeah" or "sures." So Marie's hand kept moving up and down her thigh, inching higher each time until it gripped her wait and she leaned in for a kiss. When she did that, it only felt right to kiss her back after a couple of seconds; when Olivia realized she was being kissed in the first place. It was as if time was faster and she was slower reacting to everything but it didn't matter because she was finally catching up to the whole night around her. As Marie slid her hands up her body, Olivia tried to mimic her, staying a beat behind because it still seemed right. Just like it felt completely right to keep on kissing her until they needed to breathe again.

Olivia's words were caught in her throat, all her compliments about soft lips and being a good kisser because she didn't feel like she was being licked by her neighbor's dog died in her throat as Marie kissed her again. This time it was harder, it felt like those kisses Chris gave her when he was younger, before he had to excuse himself with a stack of history books in front of him as he walked the halls. Like Marie was desperate for something only she could give her and Olivia couldn't think of any reason why they should stop because she liked the way the other girl tasted like a citrus flavored mixer along with mango lip gloss. Just as she was thinking about how weird it was to kiss a girl because their lips were stickier due to the lip gloss, Marie pushed her down on the bed and licked Olivia's lips. Olivia didn't know if she gasped because she was surprised at being pushed back or that the world spun a little bit faster from this position, but it didn't matter because it made the other girl bolder and one of her hands found the edge of her shirt. Olivia didn't stop her hand like she would have if it were a boy because she couldn't refuse and concentrate on kissing when her head was spinning with more than just alcohol and everything was perfect. They kept on kissing and Olivia forgot about the world outside the existence of those soft lips that kept going on and on against her own. There was nothing else but that tongue exploring her mouth and the fact that they were using up all the oxygen in the room.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

So when the door was cracked open for a quick peek and then thrown open so hard that it almost bounced closed again, neither girl looked up. When Chris walked in, looking furious, Olivia didn't notice either because her eyes were closed and the only thing she could feel was Marie's warm body on top of her own and those mango tasting lips all over hers. She only realized she was no longer being kissed when she heard a loud sound next to the bed, like a potato sack landing on the floor and she heard a "what the fuck is wrong with you, you Neanderthal?" coming from a very familiar voice that now seemed too far away to be kissing her. The thing that prompted her to open her eyes was the "what the hell do you think you're doing with my girlfriend, you big fucking dyke?" that should have seemed familiar but the angry tone and the blood rushing to her brain made it hard to place. Until she saw up and saw a boy she should have been looking for standing over the girl she actually found in his place.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Ok, I needed to add some inadvertent and very drunken flirting to make the kiss seem less out of left field, unlike the original where it just went from searching to kissing.

And do these longer chapters aka the rewrite seem worth it or should I just keep the original fic and delete this one?


	3. Broken

The world was rushing back into focus, but it didn't come in the way it was supposed to. Olivia couldn't process all of it because it was a jumbled mess. She glanced at her boyfriend, the person she was supposed to be looking for all night. The one that her and her friends spent countless hours giggling over because he was such a catch and they all had wanted to date him before he finally asked her out. But it didn't feel right because she was unable to tear her eyes away from this girl she'd just met today, whose favorite color she didn't even know. They were strangers and yet, the connection she had felt was real. It scared her because she didn't know if it was the alcohol that had made her react that way to the nearest warm body or if it was something else that her clouded brain couldn't really name. Her body started begging her to close her eyes and fall asleep until this all disappeared. She felt her head nod sloppily but that only made it pound as hard as her heart did when those brown eyes met her own blue ones and Marie smiled at her.

Olivia didn't understand who she was when she was drunk; she didn't understand many things, like why she had to be alone when Marie was right there. Tonight stopped making sense the minute she met the other girl. She had only wanted a nice dinner, a boring date night as her parents called it… except she wasn't bored at all. Her eyes started feeling heavy, like she was sleepy and her brain kept telling her that she was missing something big from all of this. It was almost as if she were about to fall asleep, except that her body wasn't reacting the way it usually did when she was exhausted. It was confusing, she felt like she was burning up from a fever every time she stared at the exposed skin she'd been touching minutes before and it made her stop breathing long enough to make her feel jumbled up inside. Marie's shirt was pushed up around the middle, her hair was a mess and Olivia missed gripping it too tightly between her fingers. She bit her lip, trying to bring herself back to reality because Chris was still here and she couldn't remember why he was even in this equation. Her confusion as to why he was here must not have been as subtle as it would have been under normal circumstances because Chris began shouting and angrily pointing between himself and the girl on the floor. Olivia knew she should be paying close attention to what he was saying but it was hard to understand him. She tried to read his lips but he didn't come with closed captioning the way movies did during biology when everyone was too loud to hear the monotone voice of the narrator and their teacher got tired of trying to get everyone to settle down.

"Wait, can you repeat that once again?" Her eyes squinted, trying to make sure that she couldn't just conjure the flashing white letter underneath his mouth. It was no use, all she could do was take in the way his bottom teeth were crooked and squeezed in too tightly. His words were lost somewhere above her head and she giggled at how absurd it was that his crooked teeth were not the only thing about him she convinced herself she could just kind of live with. Like how he always seemed to be sweet when they were alone but whenever they were with his group of friends he acted differently. It was funny how it never really bothered her before but now it was all she could think about. "This is serious Olivia, why are you laughing?" He sounded hurt and she didn't understand why. His teeth had always been like that. Just like Chris had always treated her like she mattered when they were alone. It was weird, seeing things that were always there but she refused to look at them too closely. "Come on Olivia, stop laughing, how do you think that makes me feel? I can't believe you would do this to me, you were supposed to be better than this. You're the kind of girl that I'm not ashamed to bring home to my parents… or at least you were…"

Olivia's eyes widened at his last sentence. This was not the girl she was and this wasn't the boy she knew. He used to be sweet at the beginning and now they barely texted each other. It was as if college turned him into a stranger, he was changing so fast and she was out of the loop so much that she hadn't known where they stood for a while now. Maybe he wasn't out of line when he was questioning how she could do this to him, being in a relationship that forced him to communicate with someone he didn't really feel like talking to anymore. Maybe it was just as wrong to have kissed someone else while she was in a relationship. But Marie knew she was looking for her boyfriend and that still didn't stop the other girl… it didn't stop her either. Olivia wanted to know what it could all mean, her eyes closed and opened slowly, unaware of how much time had passed between when Chris had last spoken and now. She didn't want to get into an argument when the other girl was in the room, leaning up against the desk and staring at her.

The room felt too small because Marie and Chris were standing next to each other and all Olivia could do was compare them in her head. He had broad shoulders, back in Illyria he used to play rugby, and Olivia had liked the way he looked in his uniform. He was such… a boy… he was taller than her, just like the rest of his teammates. He always had his hair cut short, spiking it up and away from his forehead. Now that she thought about it… he was just like every other boy on the team. An interchangeable boy, just like all the other clones she bumped into outside of this room. If he was anyone else in this house, would she have noticed him at all? He could have been any other boy and Olivia doesn't know if she could tell the difference between him and them at this moment. She let her eyes take in Marie. She was shorter than Olivia but her heels brought them to the same height. Her brown hair was barely past her shoulders, which were so small and delicate when compared to Chris', who seemed to loom over her because of how different their physiques were. She was thin, athletic in a different way than he was. She was a girl but right away Olivia had noticed that there was something about her that set her apart from the Jennies and the rest of their posse. Olivia didn't understand why. It was too confusing, seeing them next to each other because all she could do was think in opposites. How one option was safe, so safe that she had never felt the way she was supposed to… and the other one wasn't even an option, even if being alone with her made her feel... it made her feel things that before tonight she thought were just plot devices in cheesy teen flicks. Because she was a good girl and good girls don't end up with other girls.

"Seriously are you even listening to me Olivia? What is wrong with you? Are you drunk? Did you do this?" He glared at the brunette, accusing her of being more sinister than she was. Marie laughed at Chris and taunted him. "Maybe you're the one that's wrong, we were fine without you… in case you're too stupid to get it through that monkey sized brain of yours, you dumb jock. I was just getting to know Olivia over here and you interrupted us." Chris' jaw clenched and he stepped forward, anger radiating from him. "I didn't interrupt anything because this isn't anything… I mean, seriously… what can two girls do together that I wouldn't have eventually done better with her when she finally says yes? Does it even matter? I mean, what you were about to do? Would it have even counted?" He was towering over Marie and before he stepped closer, fully invading her personal space she dug her finger into his chest and started answering him.

"Clearly it mattered enough to make you realize that regardless of how much of a big man you brag about being, you still couldn't get past first base with your girlfriend because she doesn't want you. And guess what? She's probably not the only girl to be repulsed by you. I mean do you bathe in cheap booze and Axe body spray? No wonder she'd rather be with me tonight instead of you. Fuck. I don't care if you think that it wouldn't have counted or whatever it is you say to placate yourself because the truth is, there doesn't need to be a dick for it to count. Or even an orgasm… because apparently having bad sex with men still counts for like 70% of all women." The rest of Marie's argument got lost on her because Olivia wanted everyone to relax but she was too scared to move or say something. She didn't want to provoke either one of them when the fight had shifted from what they were doing together to something else. So she just stayed quiet and tried to think.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After what seemed like forever, Olivia realized that the door had slammed, prompting her to look around, trying to take everything in. Her shirt and hair were a mess, mirroring Marie's when she had been inside. Chris looked angry and hurt but he wasn't saying anything, just breathing hard, like he had just run around the field all day. The music outside made the walls vibrate but it only served to accentuate the uncomfortable silence they were trapped in. "What the hell was that?" He finally screamed at her, trying to get a reaction from the blonde. They were alone in the room and suddenly it seemed as if her head was still spinning and her body was disconnected from her brain and the music outside was merely a whisper. Maybe the room was the one with all the silence. And now, she would never find a way out of it again.

Olivia tried to make her body get up, but it made her feel like throwing up so she landed back on the bed and tried to get her bearings again. She tried to find a reasonable sounding explanation as to why she had been on a bed, with another girl on top of her, alone, in a room where she didn't know how much further it would have gone if they hadn't been interrupted. She didn't know the answers to these questions she was asking herself and she was scared of what it could all mean. So she busied herself by running her fingers through her hair and pulling down her shirt. Olivia could feel Chris' eyes on her so she tried to explain what she did understand from that night, hoping it would be enough. "I… I don't really know… I mean… I was waiting for you… in the car… since you said you'd only be a minute… but then I got tired of waiting because we were going to lose our reservation and you weren't back… and so I came in here to look for you… and… and then…"

"And then what?" he cut her off, his patience wearing thin at her unwillingness to finish her sentences. His eyes were searching her in a different way than Marie's did that night. They held pain and silent accusations of her having done all of this just to hurt him. It ate away at her and made her unsure of what to say next. Olivia knew she was wrong and maybe it was too late to pretend this would just go away. "How did you end up with Marie, Olivia? And alone? She's a fucking predator Olivia. Can't you see that? How stupid can you be to let yourself get taken advantage like this? What if I hadn't walked in? What would you have done while I was worried sick and looking for you?" His words touched on the fear she had tried to block out of her mind, what would have happened if Marie had locked the door instead of just closed it behind them? Could she have gone through with it? Let whatever was about to happen, actually happen? What did it mean for her, to not have put a stop to it before? It hurt to have that thrown in her face by him. It didn't make sense to have all of these doubts inside of her when she felt that her relationship could also fall apart and she didn't feel like it was the right time to argue about everything. Olivia needed to go outside for some air. Everything in the room was suffocating her with unanswerable questions.

"What's wrong with you? First she gets you drunk and then she swallows your tongue with hers? Why can't you say anything?" Olivia didn't want to listen anymore; it would only bring in more doubt. _I need to get out of here. I need to think. Everything just hurts here._ With unsteady feet she got up, trying to will the world to stop spinning so much. "I have to go." And with that she was determined to put one foot in front of the other and walk out this door, down the stairs and outside until she could put five block of distance between Chris and herself. Until she was at her car and all of this was just a nightmare she would wake up from tomorrow. She wished she hadn't parked in front of his dorm because even one room was too hard to navigate with her heels. _How did I mess everything up? Why didn't I just stay in the car all night?_

Chris was too stumped to say anything right away, first he found her kissing some girl and then she decides to leave in the middle of an argument without saying anything about it while still being drunk or at least tipsy. "Where are you going?" He managed to ask her right as her fingers grazed the door handle. "I have to go." She repeated again, gripping the handle and not sure if she was telling herself what to do or clarifying her actions to him. She needed to leave the room because she felt that the longer she stayed in here with him, the more it filled up with the mistakes she made tonight. And if she thought about everything too long, she would break down and cry; something she didn't feel like doing in some strange house filled with people partying and Chris looking so sad and hurt.

"Fine, just leave… don't say anything. Don't explain what the hell you were doing with her. But if you do walk out of here without turning around, it's over." His voice was filled with anger, confusion and disappointment. Olivia knew what disappointment sounded like because it was always aimed at everyone around her. Her teachers were constantly berating her classmates about knowing better or even her friend's parents. Olivia had never disappointed anyone before… or broken their hearts. And now she knew why she was always the good girl. Because having so much hurt on your shoulders makes you feel insignificant.

Even with all the damage she was about to cause both of them, she didn't turn around. She didn't say a word. Olivia Lennox opened the door and just walked away from her first boyfriend, her first love. And with the sound of the second door finalizing what she had done, she started the long walk to his dorm.


	4. Confessions

Olivia wasn't aware that she was outside until her body started shivering; missing the warmth generated by the hundreds of bodies that swallowed her up while she was inside the party. The cold air finally broke through the fog in her brain and she stopped walking, needing to look around in order to get her bearings. She realized, after a moment, that she was going the wrong way. She laughed at the absurdity of it all. _This is just the perfect ending to this night. Of course I'm going in the opposite direction of where I should be headed… just… this whole night has been filled with nothing but opposites. _Her laughter turned into sobs, tears choked her because she didn't want to figure out what it meant to kiss another girl while she was supposed to be in love with a boy.

_I can't believe I let Marie kiss me…_ _I'm not gay. I mean, this was just a onetime thing and she was the one that kissed me. So that makes her gay… right? Like I can still just go home and have everything be ok… right?_ The world was still unsteady beneath her feet. Whether it was the alcohol or the fact that this experience shook her more than it would have any other girl, she didn't know and Olivia didn't want to find out. She got into her car, buckled her seat belt automatically and before she could turn the key she started crying, grasping for air in between sobs because it was too overwhelming to be herself at that moment. Olivia was terrified about what it could mean to let another girl kiss her and want to kiss her back, to touch that same girl like she was the only thing she had sought after that whole night, to not understand why Chris was the one that seemed to be out of place in that room. There were so many things she needed to not think about and that only invited those unwanted thoughts to stay at the forefront of her mind, overwhelming her.

She wanted to forget the whole night ever happened. Not because she had just broken up with Chris while trying to run away from the whole night, it was because she could still feel her body burning up from that kiss. It was as if a part of her had never left that room and it was still waiting to explode with something more, whatever it was that Marie had woken up inside of her scared her because it didn't go away with the dizzy feeling of being drunk.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After crying herself sober, Olivia drove home. She was exhausted and she needed time to work the whole night over in her head. She parked outside her house and stared at it, not ready to have the night end, not ready for the consequences that would come with a new day. When she wouldn't be able to hide away in the dark. Olivia sighed, giving herself the same pep talk as before. Reminding herself that she wasn't gay and that one night… one kiss… it wouldn't change who she was. She was still Olivia Lennox, a very heterosexual girl who really should learn how to control her future alcohol intake so that these types of situations wouldn't happen.

With that, she squared her shoulders and walked towards the front door. As she stepped into the house, all that false bravado drained from her and she bit her lip. She made her way to the kitchen and drank some water, trying to stall before going into her bedroom. Her computer was in there and Olivia knew that she could easily turn it on, go online and research what it meant to have another girl kiss you and not be disgusted by it. To still think about it after it happened. To have it be the only thing on your mind, even when you had just broken up with your high school sweetheart. It could mean nothing… or it could mean everything. And that's what kept her standing in her kitchen, waiting for anything to happen.

After nothing interrupted her, she put the glass in the sink and carefully made her way upstairs. It wasn't that Olivia was trying to avoid waking her parents; it was whatever results would pop up. Walking down that path meant that there would be no turning back. Whatever she found on the internet would stay with her forever and she wasn't quite ready for everything that it would come with that knowledge. She wouldn't be able to pretend that she hadn't read the words that could confirm what she was afraid of admitting in her head, much less out loud. Olivia went into the bathroom, took a shower and finished her nightly ritual. Trying not to think about Marie or being gay but failing miserably because it was all her brain dwelled on.

Olivia got settled in her bed, stared at her computer one last time, bit the inside of her cheek to ground herself, determined not to look for something that was probably nothing and fell asleep. Pretending that once she woke up, all of this doubt would be gone. As if life were an etch-a-sketch and wishing things away was just as good as a clean slate. The whole night had been a mistake and tomorrow she would be able to wake up and have it removed from her conscience. Isn't that what being drunk meant? That you got to pretend you didn't remember all the painful and embarrassing bits of the night before… even if it was all you could think about?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Over the next few days she couldn't eat or sleep right. Everything made her want to cry, to lock herself in her dorm until she was herself again. She felt terrible because she had broken up with Chris after cheating on him with another girl. She was so ashamed at the way she had handled the situation. She hadn't been ready to deal with the consequences. So she walked away, trying to outrun dealing with everything. It was childish, but it was the choice she made. Olivia ran from that room, from all the alcohol, from Chris being so angry, from Marie being so confusing when she kissed her, from her own weakness.

She had no one else to blame and it felt terrible that even though she was the one that messed up, Chris had tried calling her and texting her, trying to work things out. Olivia felt worse because she didn't want to get back with him, even though it felt safe. What if it happened again? Would he be as forgiving a second time around? Would Chris think that once the trust was broken, it was all right for him to do the same thing to her? These were things she didn't want to deal with, so she ignored his texts and his calls.

She was a coward.

Even as she was dealing with nothing but the consequences she had tried to outrun, she still didn't want to have to talk to her ex-boyfriend. What would she say? She was embarrassed about the way she had acted at the party and seeing Chris again would bring all those feelings back. And Olivia just wanted them to disappear. She wanted those new thoughts that suddenly assaulted her brain to evaporate. But every morning they surfaced when she was most vulnerable. It made getting ready harder when all she could think about was whether she was a good person or not.

_Am I even a good person anymore for thinking these things? Shouldn't I feel distraught over the whole thing? I don't feel empty. I'm so full of doubt. Will girls even talk to me if they find out that I made out with another girl at a party? Will they treat me differently in the locker room? Or in the dorm showers? Do I have to wear flannel now? No… of course not… I'm just being irrational and jumping to all the wrong conclusions. Teenagers are known to exhibit extremely irresponsible behavior… like drinking… and doing things they later regret while drunk. This was just a mistake… I mean, it's not like I suddenly wanted to sleep with all my friends. I'm not gay just because of one kiss. I'm not going to whistle at girls in the hall or anything because I'm straight. Like I just can't be gay because I don't look like what a lesbian should look like. So I'm fine._

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Two weeks after that night; when she walked alone to her car, bawled her eyes out for over two hours before driving home and practically being comatose the whole weekend; she finally told Maria what happened. They had been roommates and friends since freshman year and she had never kept anything from her before. But nothing was as big as this. She didn't want Maria to stop being her friend because of one drunken mistake that was probably nothing because she was just being overly dramatic. Since she decided that she wasn't gay. It had been exhausting to keep this huge secret in. It ate away at her and every time Maria looked at her with concern. Whenever her friend tried coaxing her to finish her meals; or when she broke the silence in their room by telling her that if she ever wanted to talk about it, she would be right there, in the bed next to her, ready to listen.

When that didn't work, Maria stopped trying to gently coax Olivia out of her shell. She asked every waking second they were together what was wrong, guessing at what could be the matter and gauging Olivia's facial expressions to see if she hit a nerve. Olivia trembled in fear that Maria would one day guess what happened that day. That she would transfer to another room because she couldn't trust Olivia anymore. Or worse, they would stop being best friends and then she would be stuck in a room with a distant Marie for the rest of her high school days. She didn't want Maria to stop being her friend because of one drunken mistake that was probably nothing because she was just being overly dramatic because she wasn't gay.

Olivia finally broke down and told her what happened. She was sobbing, as she went over every little detail. She was still afraid of what Maria thought, but Olivia didn't want to lie about it anymore. Even if it meant losing her best friend. After she finished and Maria stared at her for a couple of minutes without saying anything. Olivia got nervous and started talking again to fill the room with anything besides silence. "Oh, Maria I must be the world's most horrible person ever… I mean you should have seen his eyes. And then the texts and the voicemails… even though he had every right to be mad at me… I don't know what to do…" Olivia said weakly, as she grabbed another tissue, blew her nose and wiped off the tears that had trailed down her face.

"Does this mean you secretly were crushing on me? I mean Marie? Really? Could she have been more of a clone?" Olivia was so relieved that Maria was joking but unsure if the other girl understood what it could potentially mean that she didn't respond to the joke the way she would have liked. Her eyes were still lost as she talked.

"No… I mean I'm not like that… just... I don't know what happened… everything was spinning… there was too much alcohol in those little drinks… why didn't I just stay in the car the whole night?" She cried into her hands, the tissues long forgotten. Maria was taken aback at how Olivia was reacting. She had always been so well put together, that seeing her cry, instead of just hearing her at night, was depressing. She didn't know how to comfort her friend who had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years. She felt stupid for having tried to lighten the mood with a joke. Maria had just wanted to help Olivia out, to stop her from crying like she was so broken beyond repair. She wanted Olivia to tease her about ruining the punch line to jokes or not knowing when to stop while she was ahead and ended up sticking her foot in her mouth. Maybe this was one of those occasions.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I just… you're my best friend and I don't like seeing you like this. I just want you to be all better and stuff" with that she hugged Olivia, trying to comfort her even when she couldn't really find the right words. Her friend clung to her and mumbled things into her pajamas but Maria wasn't paying attention, she just kept reassuring her friend that everything was all right between them. After a while she decided that Olivia had exhausted herself crying, so she told the red-eyed girl to go to bed. That they would see what they could do about the whole thing later, together, because they were still best friends and Maria wanted to make sure that Olivia was feeling better about the whole thing.

Maria turned the lights off and Olivia laid her head down on her pillow. Hoping that now that she felt lighter than she had in weeks, she could go to sleep and wake up refreshed. Instead she tried to will herself to sleep, the way she had every past night. But nothing happened. She still felt miserable and her mind wandered to the same images that it clung to these past days. How right it felt to kiss a stranger who just happened to be a girl. How Marie had been a better kisser than her boyfriend, whom she had feelings for.

_Maybe he was just a bad kisser. Maybe I'm just gay? What if I am? No, I can't be gay, I like guys. I mean I've never thought about Maria that way, or any of the other girls I know… so why this girl? What if it was just the alcohol and I'm the same girl that I was before? Like I can be not gay because I still like wearing make-up and I hate spiders and I like wearing skirts. See Olivia, you're totally not gay because you just aren't; you're a debutant not someone that has seductive pillow fights with her sorority sisters. So just go to sleep and stop thinking these things._

Those thoughts kept repeating in her head, lulling her to a deep sleep. It was comforting to know that she couldn't be gay. That Olivia Lennox could determine that she wasn't like Marie and it could be true.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Ahh sorry for the huge delay. I wanted to update sooner but I kept rewriting this chapter several times because I couldn't get the tone quite right. I hope this transition works though :)


	5. Smile

Four months had passed after the breakup and even though Olivia had understood intellectually that breakups would always be devastating for everyone involved, she never really got it until this moment. She still felt lost about the whole ordeal. She should be feeling more shaken up about the fact that Chris and her were no longer together but it was the furthest thing from her mind. It was what she was, or who she was… was she the same girl as before? Did she suddenly become gay for like a second or was it just a fluke? These thoughts made every cheesy line that her classmates threw her way feel like a new insult because she didn't respond the way she should. The way she knew other girls would. They would bask in all the attention from the boys, loving the fact that they were being asked out by every jock and nerd in school. Olivia wasn't giddy though, she was embarrassed. She felt cornered whenever a new guy practically threw his boxers in her face to her to give him the time of day. She should have been relieved that she could choose whom to date next so easily. Instead all their advances felt as if they were rubbing her heart raw. She didn't need some quick fix or to just get with another guy as soon as possible when she hadn't figured out what was wrong with her.

To make the situation worse, every girl showered her with pitying looks. _Apparently I have a huge neon sign on my forehead that alternates between saying: pity me or fuck me. I wish everyone would just_ "ugghh!" Olivia wasn't paying attention to where she was headed and because of that, when someone came barreling out of Principal Gold's office, they knocked her down along with all of her books. "I'm so sorry" they both echoed at the same time.

"What's going on out here? Ah, getting to know members of the opposite sex... male, female dynamics… all those hormones raging… just remember kids, that the best way to… not… is to… not. Right, abstinence is key." Principal Gold said awkwardly before retreating back into his office.

They both laughed uneasily at his monologue, not quite sure what to make of it. Or rather, uncomfortable at the implications of what he had been trying to say while avoiding saying anything about it. Olivia shook her head at the principal and reached out for her books at exactly the same time the boy that bumped into her reached out to help her pick them up. Their hands met for a second and she felt a spark where skin touched skin. Almost as strong as when you rub your feet against a carpeted floor and touch metal. Olivia looked up to see if the boy in front of her had felt it too, finally making eye contact with the person she had collided with. Blue met green, the sky crashing down against clear ocean. For a second the whole world stopped and spun at the same time. _Like being drunk again, but better. _Olivia was so lost in those stunning green eyes that she nearly missed the joke about Principal Gold being overly friendly.

"Are you kidding? That's him being rude." The answer rushed out of her mouth as she was trying to get her bearings. The world had gone out of focus and the only thing that was grounding her were those eyes that were like clear pools of water after a rainstorm. It made Olivia forget everything else. The boy in front of her laughed and reached out his free hand to shake hers, almost dropping her books in the process. "I'm Sebastian, by the way." "Olivia" She answered breathlessly. Smiling and nearly blushing as he smiled a little bit wider after she introduced herself. "Sorry I just got out of soccer practice and I was so glad I wasn't in trouble with the principal that I rushed out of there without looking." Sebastian offered as they were picking themselves up off the floor.

Olivia shook her head to acknowledge what he said; she wanted to pretend to be listening instead of closely studying Sebastian. Standing up, he was about half a head taller than her; he wasn't overtly muscular like the majority of the jocks running around on campus. It was as if his body lacked all the straight lines and harsh angles she associated with her ex-boyfriend and all of his friends.

His face was also a bit rounder and his skin looked flawless, he didn't have any stubble or pimples riddling his cheeks. It made him look beautiful… instead of handsome. It made him attractive in a completely different way that Olivia couldn't quite place. His hands, the same ones that had shot a current of electricity into her body were delicate. His fingers were long and slender. They didn't feel meaty, like they would crush her hand accidentally. And when he had taken her hand, Olivia remembered how soft his hands were. They weren't rough and calloused like Chris' had been. Not only that, Sebastian had the longest lashes she had ever seen on a boy, they curled up and brought attention to his green eyes. It made her forget where she was supposed to be going when it felt like she should be right here, in front of this boy.

"Oh wow, those are cute shoes, where did you get them?" He asked almost squealing, effectively interrupting her daydream about him.

At Anthropology." _Good thing he noticed my shoes and not me checking him out. He is so cute._

"No way, they have shoes there?"

"Yeah, right by the accessories." _Wow, just, wow._ Olivia didn't know what else to think or say about this boy who instead of trying to get into her pants was trying to get into her shoes.

He smiled up at her and was about to say something when he frowned and instead said: "uhh here are your books." He offered her the two heavy textbooks he had knocked out of her hands and rolled his eyes at himself, as if he were annoyed with the fact that he let Olivia know that he could be interested in other things besides just running around in the mud and punching other guys in the arm.

To further reassert his manliness he offered up a lame excuse. "I um… have to go do guy stuff, so, later." He quickly told her, followed by another eye roll; Olivia bit her lip, trying not to laugh at his very obvious internal monologue. He looked as if he wanted to slap himself in the face and hide out in his dorm room until the school year was over. Olivia offered him a small wave as Sebastian left as quickly as he had come into her world.

And with that, there was no one else in that hallway, except a girl who, after all the pain she'd been through, decided that there might be something to that old saying about fish in the ocean. And for the second time in months, she smiled, thinking about a boy named Sebastian and how easily he had made her feel comfortable around him.

* * *

**Author's Note:** A ridiculously short but necessary transitional chapter, hopefully the next one will be a bit longer :)


	6. Weekend

Olivia had tried to "accidentally" bump into Sebastian again all day, but she hadn't been able to find him. At all… It was as if he appeared out of thin air into the school and then vanished again. She hadn't seen him at lunch or wandering the halls looking for his classes. He wasn't even out on the field after school. Not that she had gone running on the track around the soccer field to search for him. She just happened to need some exercise and it was such a lovely day that hitting the gym seemed like a waste of sunshine. _Ohh, who are you kidding Olivia, you were trying to look for him. Ughh when did I become some pathetic, love struck girl that stalks the boy she likes? Shouldn't I be, like totally above this because I'm in high school? I hope I don't punch him next time I see him in order to show him how much I like him. Ok, stop it Olivia, this is crazy, you're arguing with yourself… just stop it and do your homework._

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"The synthesis of proteins is known as translation, since it is the transfer of information from one language; the nucleotides, to another; which are the amino acids. And this is what again? Ughh why is this so hard?" Olivia exclaimed in frustration, getting up from her desk. She paced around her room, looking at everything that surrounded her but not really taking anything in. Her eyes were wandering as much as her mind. She couldn't keep still and it reflected on her lack of concentration. She had read the exact same sentence from her notes for about half an hour. Never getting past it because she would realize that she didn't really know what she had just read, prompting her to go back to the start.

It was as if her brain stopped processing biology and could only concentrate on a certain boy that wouldn't leave her thoughts. Olivia wished that Maria was in the room so she could talk to her about Sebastian. Her roommate had a study group session and Olivia was stuck trying to read for her biology class because she had barely paid attention during the lecture. Olivia was actually impressed that she had managed to copy everything from the board, considering that she was distracted all class long with thoughts of Sebastian. How could Olivia care about the synthesis of proteins when there was this boy who suddenly made her feel excited about the possibility of being with someone else again?

She was slightly frustrated because her roommate was spending her Friday nights in the library instead of in their room. Olivia knew that it was selfish to want to have her friend there just so she could gossip about a boy, but no one else at the school understood how monumental this crush actually was. How wanting to be an expert on all things Sebastian went beyond the regular high school crush because he made her sigh with relief over her undeniable attraction to him. Bumping into him was the best thing to happen to her in months because it made Olivia feel normal again.

_I mean, if I like this guy, doesn't that mean that the whole party thing was just some kind of fluke? Like a girls gone wild sort of thing because of the alcohol I ingested and nothing more? Of course, I knew that I wasn't gay and now this totally proves it because he's a guy and I'm a girl and it's completely normal and acceptable and very heterosexual. See Olivia, you worried over nothing. I mean, you just didn't find the goonish guys at this school attractive, but Sebastian… he's just so different, he's delicate, beautiful and he looks so soft. Maybe that's what I wanted all along, a guy that was different from everyone else in a way I couldn't quite place before Marie kissed me. And now that I know I feel a little bit silly over having worried about having to love flannel and hating dresses and being girly. Of course I'm straight. I'm crushing on a really cute guy and now I just need to wait for Maria to get back so I can clear this whole thing up._

With those thoughts taken care of, Olivia tried studying again before giving up and deciding that the best way to distract herself was to pack her overnight bag for the weekend at home. She printed out a list of things she wanted to take and methodically crossed out all the items she put into her bag. After she was done, she checked her email and her planner to see what debutant events were going to happen during the weekend. She was in the middle of reorganizing her CDs in alphabetical order, after finishing with her books when Maria finally walked in.

"Woah, Olivia, OCD much?" Maria chuckled, staring at her roommate who was surrounded by neat stacks of CDs and a printed list of them categorized and ready to be put away.

"Maria, thank god you're here, save me from myself." Olivia said, relieved to see her friend. She stood up quickly, forgetting her task and randomly shoving all the CDs into an empty shelf on her bookcase.

"Ok, what's got you so worked up now? You didn't kiss another girl cryptically almost named like me but not, again, did you?" Olivia rolled her eyes at her roommate and practically shouted with a mix of relief and joy, "No, I'm not gay!"

"I mean, it's not bad or anything but it's just not for me." She tried to backpedal before continuing. "I just met the cutest guy ever! His name is Sebastian, he's a little bit taller than me, he has brown hair and the greenest eyes in the world and he is really cute. Like really cute, he has these super long lashes, which is a shame to see on a boy because really? Ughh I wish my eyelashes were that long. And he's cute. Did I already mention that? Because he is… except I hadn't seen him before on campus. Maybe he's new or something because I definitely would have noticed someone like him." Olivia said in one breath.

"Watch out, the ramble train is coming to town." Maria poked fun at her friend, putting up her hands defensively. "Weren't you having a super gay dilemma a couple of months ago? I thought you were still with that and now you're all over this guy? Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're just slutty and need to get laid?" Maria laughed as she ducked for cover, Olivia had thrown all her organizational printouts at her friend and papers went flying at Maria. She was blushing so much that even the tips of her ears turned bright red.

"Maria! Do you even listen to yourself speak? You need to censor some of those thoughts." A flustered attempt at self-defense bubbled out of Olivia's mouth, as she tried to regain her composure.

"Come on Olivia, we all know that the reason guys hound you so much is because you're such a fucking virgin" Maria emphasized this point by suggestively wiggling her eyebrows and smirking at Olivia.

In response, the blonde huffed in fake anger and picked up the papers she had thrown across the room. "I don't think that it's any of your business how much of a virgin I am… but do you happen to know anything about this Sebastian guy?"

"Well, what's his last name?" Maria asked as she bit her lower lip.

"He didn't say…" _Or did he? Crap I can't believe I didn't tell him my last name either, gosh Olivia what happened to all that debutant training with the formal introductions and the whole 'how do you do' stuff?_

"Ok… then, do you know anything else then? Like any classes he's taking? Or what grade he's in? Come on Olivia, work with me here!"

"Ummm… well… Ohh! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! He had a jersey, a sports one. From Illyria. Maybe he plays some kind of sport? Ohh soccer, I think he mentioned that... We kind of bumped into each other so we didn't really sit down and have a nice chat." She was so relieved at having something to recognize the boy from that she was out of breath again; just the thought of getting to know who this mysterious guy that dropped out of nowhere and into her life made her happy.

"Well, Olivia, after the weekend, why don't we just ask around and see if anyone knows anything about this soccer playing hunk of yours?" Maria said, not really paying attention to the conversation anymore seeing as she was busy randomly shoving things into a suitcase.

Normally, Olivia would have chided her roommate for being so disorganized when it came to her weekend packing but all she could do was trap Maria into a bear hug as she jumped up and down excitedly. "That's so smart Maria… thank you so much for being such a good friend and everything."

Maria tapped her sides lightly as she dramatically called out for air. "Air, I need air… Olivia… I need to breathe."

"Ohh, right, sorry!" A worried look crossed her face, but was quickly replaced by one of annoyance when Maria kept gasping for air and asking for an oxygen tank. Olivia rolled her eyes and dumped her friend's suitcase contents onto the bed. Maria was about to protest when Olivia began folding her clothes and instead decided to tease her about her crush and throw socks and other unfolded garments at her. Olivia kept laughing at Maria and pretended to be upset. "You know, I should just stop helping you out because I have to put up with your constant abuse!"

"Pffftt, like I care, it's my dirty laundry anyway… which is why I just shoved it in my suitcase."

"Eww you were throwing your dirty clothes at me?" Olivia asked as she threw a recently folded sweatshirt her friend.

"Whatever, can you like finish packing soon? I forgot to tell my mom that I had that nerd thing at the library and I want her to wash my PJs before bedtime because I spilled something red on them." She answered Olivia, unfazed by the sweatshirt thrown at her face.

"I don't know why your mom hasn't given you up for adoption when you just come home with dirty laundry and expect her to wait on you hand and foot."

"If she didn't want to do my laundry during the weekend, or cook me awesome meals and stuff, she wouldn't like, have had a daughter. I blame society for this… Besides, she's always asking me if I want more stuff. What kind of horrible daughter would I be to refuse a snack from her?"

"A snack is one thing, whenever I go over to your house she has to cut your fruit up for you or else you won't eat it!" Olivia said, in mock outrage.

"Like I said, society is to blame for making cut up fruit more delicious than regular fruit where I have to do all the work and besides I don't hear you complaining whenever you hang out at my place." Maria retorted with a victorious expression.

"Whatever, here's your suitcase, which you were too lazy to pack properly, once again." Olivia zipped the suitcase, easily closing it and set it down in front of her roommate.

"Thanks. You're a doll." Maria said cheekily as she took the handle and blew a kiss at her friend. "See, it's not my fault that people are always so nice to me and want to do stuff for me. I blame genetics for making me super pretty and awesome."

"Whatever." Olivia said as she pretended to swat the blown kiss away.

"Anyway, I have to go because if I don't get home, how will my mom spoil me?" Maria said, picking up her backpack and her car keys. Before she headed out the door she turned around and stared at Olivia. "And you know… I'm happy if you're happy. About the whole gay thing or not being gay thing… it's not… like…" Her usually goofy friend looked down and bit her lip. It made Olivia nervous because she was the serious one and Maria was the one that took everything too lightly. And now here she was: her eyes looking straight into her shoes, one second away from leaving and she wanted to say something that sounded important.

"I mean. I don't care. I do but I don't you know? Like, you're always going to be my friend. Whether you decide that you like boys or girls or both or neither and just want to buy 50 cats instead. You're always going to be my best friend and official packer and who you love is secondary to all that. You're still Olivia and I'm still Maria and we're still the same. Even if you feel like you're not because of who you end up with, it's the same. You're still always invited to come over to my place for sleepovers on the weekends to watch movies and do facials and other beauty secrets we find on magazines in order to attract the opposite sex or the same sex, whichever the case may be now. Nothing has actually changed; you do know that, right? Like you're still my really annoying, goody-two-shoes, super perfect debutante friend that my mom wishes she could trade me in for whenever she sees that I tricked you into making breakfast for me… again, even though you're a guest or whatever. And I'm like, sorry that I didn't say this stuff earlier when you were super freaking out or whatever but I thought it was kind of unnecessary because, hello, the next day after you had your gay freak-out I flashed you to see if you would get out of bed faster due to my super amazing boobs in that awesome purple push up bra and you just threw a pillow at me and said that if you were gay, you'd be hella classier than that. Which, by the way, you still haven't apologized for, and the girls still resent you. We're fine, but I doubt that they'll be hanging out much with you being such a fucking prude about the whole thing."

Olivia didn't know when she had started to cry, she didn't even wipe her eyes as she launched herself at Maria, hugging her tighter than she had before. Not caring if her friend couldn't breathe. She wanted to tell Maria that she loved her so much for actually meaning those words. The next day she thought things would be weird between them but Maria had flashed her and then laughed when Olivia blushed and threw a pillow at her, saying that there was nothing worse than a gay virgin who didn't take advantage of a free show. Even when they went to the gym, Maria didn't change in the bathroom stalls because she was afraid that Olivia would lust after her. Things were so normal between them that Olivia hadn't realized that she failed to appreciate how true Maria's words were. They were still as close as ever and all those months, after the breakup, she hadn't felt like she was doing anything wrong because she thought she might like girls.

"I… just thank you. You're right; you didn't need to say anything Maria, because you acted as if it wasn't a big deal. And it's not. But I was just so worried over the most ridiculous things, like you wanting to stop being my friend or not wanting to change with me in the same room, that I was afraid of saying anything before. And when I did and you were just as… spontaneous and…"

"Vulgar? I'm not offended, not everyone can be a classy gay or straight like you."

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Yes, ok, you were just like you have always been and it was such a relief to still be able to count on you for everything. And I just wanted to thank you for that. Because I also didn't say thank you for being such an amazing friend… for just being you and not changing or caring if I did in fact change. So thank you. And you should really go home or else your mom won't have time to soak that stain." Olivia finished this sentence by fixing Maria's clothes and smiling up at her friend. Maria pretended to be annoyed by this gesture but returned the smile. It made Olivia feel happy. As if everything was going to be all right and that she wasn't this horrible person that was doomed to self-sabotaging every relationship she was in. There was a silver lining for her after all. Maybe it wasn't one called Sebastian, maybe it was, but she knew that a boy was secondary to having such amazing people in her life. It made Olivia smile and long for the weekend to be over, so she could be back in school, where Maria would always be there to help her through any crisis, real or imagined.


	7. Watching You, Watching Me

Monday morning, 6:15 AM. The green numbers flashed, not moving since the last five times they were checked. Olivia sighed deeply in frustration and turned over on her side, yanking the blankets over her face and burying her head in the darkness of her sheets. She felt frustrated because she hadn't been able to sleep very well this whole weekend. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop herself from smiling at every little thing; even her parents had noticed that she had this nervous but happy energy about her during her visit home. They tried to hint at her being in love and she answered by blushing and fumbling through excuses that it had everything to do with homework and nothing to do with a boy. With being relieved that it was actually about a boy this time.

Now her body felt like it was running on a combination of fatigue and excitement. She groaned and peeked out from where she was trying to hide to pass the time and stared at the clock again. She couldn't believe it, 6:20 AM. She felt like it would take forever for it to be time for class. Olivia sighed and threw the covers from her body, letting the cool air wake her up completely. She hadn't really planned on being up this early but she couldn't go back to sleep because her thoughts were too loud. Olivia didn't know if she was such a nervous wreck over not knowing whether today she would bump into Sebastian again or because it was time to go back to classes. She shook her head; of course this didn't have anything to do with school. _Might as well get ready… since I'm already up and all_. She thought to herself, trying to find the positive side of being up at a ridiculously early hour. With that in mind she decided to hit the showers so she could get ready for classes. There was really nothing else she could actually do until the 8 AM class bell rang.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

By the time lunch rolled around and there was still no sign of the tall, lanky boy. Olivia felt disappointed that she hadn't been able to spot him all morning. She had tried looking around during the five minute breaks in between classes but she couldn't distinguish him out of the sea of students rushing to their next class. _It's hopeless; it was probably somebody's little brother or someone just dropping off a jersey._ Olivia though as she switched her books out from her locker; emptying her backpack from the ones she wouldn't need for the rest of the day. She wanted to think about getting ready for the upcoming periods instead of being bummed out about the fact that she hadn't seen the boy she had lost sleep over. When Maria walked up to her and leaned back against the locker next to hers she was beaming. It made Olivia roll her eyes and grumble at her friend. "What are you so happy about? I haven't spotted him at all."

Maria, being a good sport about her friend's sour mood simply smiled and laughed. "Well, duhh, it's sloppy joe day Olivia. Only the best day in the whole world!" Olivia laughed and shook her head. It was hard to stay mad at the world when Maria was always so happy about little things like food or sick teachers. But that didn't mean that she didn't feel like going back to the dorms and so she could mope. Maria groaned because she could tell Olivia was not in a good mood. "Come on, you're not making me miss sloppy joe day." Maria said as she grabbed Olivia's arm and began dragging her through the halls of their school.

Once they got inside the cafeteria, Maria relinquished her hold on Olivia's arm and they stood in line. "Maria, what if he isn't a student here at all? I didn't see him in the halls or anything this morning." Olivia hated the way her voice sounded, so small and insecure, but she couldn't help how hopeless she felt. Her friend rolled her eyes and kept taking small steps to move forward as she talked. "Olivia, don't worry, if you don't see him today we can just talk to the cheerleaders so we can get all the gossip about the new players. Oh! And it helps us seize up your competition too, because as you know, the cheerleaders always get dibs on the soccer hotties."

Olivia sighed and agreed with her friend. "Yeah, you're right." After that they didn't really talk because Maria could feel that Olivia wasn't up for some conversation. When they got to the front Olivia ordered her usual meal. "I'll have a baloney sandwich and some water, please." As the cafeteria worker set the things down on the tray Olivia thanked them and moved down the line to pay just as Maria was ordering her food.

"I'll have a sloppy joe, and make it extra sloppy, please!" Olivia rolled her eyes at her overly enthusiastic friend; it was clear to her why the lunch ladies would always give Maria a little extra of whatever they were serving that day. "Thanks, you're a doll. Oh and also some water. Cool." Once Maria paid they took their trays and quickly made their way to their usual table. As they were sitting down, Maria started talking about her morning classes, making Olivia laugh at her friend's imitation of a professor that she swore was actually a witch. Just as Maria starter waving her arms around and talking like Mr. Topas Olivia felt like someone was watching her. She stopped listening and looked around the cafeteria until she finally spotted the boy she had been looking for all day.

Their eyes met for a second that lasted forever; before Olivia broke eye contact and looked down at her tray as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. _He is a student here! Yes! He was probably just getting his schedule in the morning or something. Then I wonder what grade he's in and if we have any classes together?_ Olivia was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice how her friend had stopped talking and just stared at her until she waved her hand in front of Olivia's eyes to get her attention. "Earth to Olivia… is something wrong with you? You usually love opening the sandwich wrappers like they hold Christmas presents." She asks, concern lacing her voice.

"What? Yes. I mean… no. What?" Olivia says, trying very hard to follow the conversation but failing at it. _Great, now I can't even articulate a simple answer. You have got it bad for this boy and that can't be good…_

Maria laughed at her flustered roommate and began teasing her. "Oh is there something so interesting that even the great Olivia Lennox can't Debutante her way out of a sentence? What's up?" She finally asks, clearly more intrigued by her friend's reaction than her own anecdote.

"It's him Maria!" Olivia says, looking up to the table across the room where Sebastian is sitting. "No! Don't turn around." She warns her friend as she's about to turn her head. "I mean do, but don't do it so obviously." Maria scoffs. "Whatever. Ok, so where is he?" Maria says as she tries to follow Olivia's line of sight without actually turning around.

"He's at the table with Duke, Toby and Andrew. Then he really is a soccer player." Olivia says, relieved that he does go to the school after all. "But just act natural when you turn around ok?" She warns Maria with a whining voice. Maria picks up on this and complains instantly. "What is that supposed to mean? I am sooo discreet!"

Olivia scoffs and rolls her eyes. "You liar! I can't believe you would say that. Did you bump your head and forget the whole Stacy thing?" She asks accusingly. "Oh come on Olivia, let it go! One time I accidently say something louder than a whisper about bucktooth Stacy and she happened to hear me, big deal." Maria retorts, folding her arms over her chest before adding, "At least now she has braces. So thank you for making me out to be the bad guy."

The tension leaves her body as she laughs and reminds her friend that, "Yes she does and she also totally hates you because you didn't just say it. You shouted that in the middle of a school assembly! Even Principal Gold heard you… and he was across the room!" Maria shrugs her shoulders, brushing the whole thing off like she usually does whenever Olivia reminds her of it. "Whatever. Ok? I'll peek at him so super discreetly that he won't even notice I turned around. Is that all right with you _oh great Olivia_ and your goody two shoes ways?" Olivia laughed and shook her head. Maria was incorrigible.

Before her friend could get a peek at Sebastian, Malcolm showed up, uninvited, as he usually did, on their table. He stole Olivia's sandwich and began talking about hoofs and baloney. Olivia grit her teeth together to stop herself from saying something that Maria would be proud to say and rolled her eyes, snatching her sandwich as politely as possible. Even when she was annoyed, she was too nice to actually suggest to Malcolm that he needed to find some other table to sit at. Making her settle for a noncommittal answer of, "Really Malcolm? That's nice." She smiled at Malcolm and turned her body away from his, coughing twice at Maria while making eye contact. Their signal to eat their food as fast as possible without choking so that they could hide out in the girl's bathroom for ten minutes before being able to get rid of Malcolm for the rest of their lunch hour. Olivia hated doing that every day; she wanted to be upfront about how Malcolm wasn't really her friend or even a study buddy but she felt so bad for the poor guy. He didn't really have a lot of friends… or any that she could think of right now… even Principal Gold didn't seem to like him, so she remained quiet. He was just so persistent and kind of desperate to be liked and have friends that she couldn't let him eat lunch by himself, it seemed kind of cruel. Even if he was Malcolm.

They ate their lunch and gathered all of their things with Malcolm doing the same as he stared at Olivia. They began talking about their food as a way to cover up the fact that they were headed straight for the girl's bathroom. Once they got inside they broke down laughing because no matter how many times they were followed by Malcolm after they finished eating, it was still funny to watch him get all flustered after almost walking into the girls bathroom with them because he was too busy fawning over Olivia to actually notice where he was going. "I really don't know why it's still so funny if we know he is always going to fall for it." Maria said as she wiped some tears from the corner of her eyes because they laughed so hard at his expense. "Maybe that's the reason why you keep him around Olivia: he's your own persona train wreck."

Olivia laughed as she washed her hands and checked her appearance in the mirror. "Don't remind me." She groaned. "I've practically broke up with him like four times, and we've never even had a conversation that lasted longer than the 20 minutes we have to forcibly spend together at the cafeteria. It's super awkward having to sit with him out of pity because he doesn't have any friends and he doesn't take the hint that we don't want him to follow us around during lunch." Olivia said, frowning at her reflection. She hated being mean. Olivia didn't want to turn into the girl that made fun of other people, making them feel bad about themselves because that wasn't who she was. But she also didn't know how to make Malcolm understand that she wasn't interested in him when he refused to acknowledge that part of their conversations and concentrated on the fake giggles and polite brush offs instead. She sighed and looked over at her friend who just laughed, not picking up on Olivia's shift in mood. "I've told you like a million times Olivia, you're way too nice to him. You should just tell him that he's a loser and that he needs to stop stalking you…" She said, as if it were that simple. "Or you could scream rape whenever he gets near you and I bet that after a while he'll stop following you." She finished that statement by winking at Olivia and smiling deviously, prompting Olivia to laugh, she couldn't feel bad whenever Maria said absurd things like that. "Oh Maria, you're absolutely impossible."

Maria laughed and washed her hands. "You know it girl! And you totally love me for it too." She said as she winked again and wiped her hands. "Anyway, I'm sad now that stupid Malcolm and his cheese talk or whatever he was rambling about interrupted us because I didn't get to see the guy you've been drooling over. But I bet he's super cute." Olivia smiled and blushed as they both checked their watches to see how much time had gone by. "He is… he's got this great smile and just… I just hope I get to talk to him again without him having to practically knock me unconscious every time we meet." Maria laughed as she poked at Olivia's face. "Yeah, good thing your forehead looks a whole lot better now."

Olivia laughed as she swatted her friend's hand away. "Whatever. My forehead looks fine, thank you." Maria nodded and they stood in silence for a moment. Olivia hesitated before she spoke again. "I just hope he's not a jerk, you know? Or some dumb jock that doesn't even care that I'm funny or nice but just wants to make me another notch on his bedpost so he can brag to his buddies about it, you know?" Now, more than ever, Olivia felt vulnerable. She didn't want to date a guy that would only be interested in her because he wanted to have sex with her; she wanted a guy who was sensitive and cared about her because she was afraid that if she didn't find the right guy at this very moment, she might not find one at all and that scared her.

Maria broke the silence. "Yes Olivia, I know." She started, without malice. "You seriously need to get help for that fairy tale ending you keep on wishing for because this is real life and in the real world, things aren't always that simple." Olivia nodded without really agreeing. She just wanted to get out of that bathroom so she could catch a glimpse of Sebastian again before the bell rang. She wonders if she had paid more attention to Maria if she could have done something to stop the events that led up to her spending her winter break alone in her room, crying over a girl she couldn't have but didn't know if she wanted to have her at all. Because she still wanted to hold on to the idea that she was the same good girl that she had always been before everything just fell apart.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Ahh sorry for the delay. I have no idea why this chapter was so hard for me to write... anyway thank you for your wonderful reviews and for sticking with the story :)


	8. Class Schedule

The next day, Olivia woke up at a more reasonable hour, hoping that because she had seen Sebastian at the cafeteria yesterday, he would be walking around the halls today. She happily jumped in the shower but she was so distracted by the possibility of being able to bump into the taller boy later that day that she shampooed her hair twice because she couldn't remember if she had done it the first time. The rest of her daily beauty ritual was a repeat of the shampoo incident, where she kept missing steps and making mistakes. By the time she applied lip gloss and gave herself a once over, she was an absolute wreck and Maria wasn't making matters any easier because she kept teasing her about her crush. Singing about her and Sebastian sitting in a tree and if she hadn't been too embarrassed by the fact that she had almost put deodorant on her face instead of under her arms, she would have tried to keep Maria quiet via strangulation or other equally effective means.

She didn't bump into him before first period or in the short break between classes for first and second period. By the time she got to her Biology class, she was so busy taking out her books and getting set up for the lecture that she didn't spot their new classmate. It wasn't until after he called her name out loud that she looked up to take him in. "Olivia Lennox." Sebastian read the name of his new lab partner… her name, and she smiled at him from across the room, raising her hand and nodding at him. Trying to be casual about the fact that she was going to be sitting across from her crush, every single day, for a whole hour. It was nerve-wracking. If she could barely survive this morning, not knowing whether she would bump into him or not, how would she make it through the rest of the year when she knew she had to not just see him but actually be expected to interact with him?

Olivia took a deep breath to try to calm herself down as she looked over at him. He was too busy laughing with his friends and playfully slapping them to notice her and that made it worse because she could check him out without feeling self-conscious about it. He was smaller than all of his friends, making the differences between him and the other boys all the more striking. Sebastian really couldn't be described as handsome; Duke Orsino was in fact the prototypical handsome athlete. His smaller friend, on the other hand, looked like puberty had skipped him all together because he still retained that round, boyish face that a lot of guys tend to lose around freshman year. It made him beautiful and Olivia doesn't know why she likes the way he looks as opposed to the way Duke or her ex looks. Maybe she was just getting over her breakup by becoming attracted to the opposite of the type of guy she would normally date.

She was so busy thinking about this that she hadn't noticed that Sebastian had made his way over to her table until he said hi to her. "Hello again." She blushed and looked down at her books as she greeted him. "It's nice to see you without being tackled." She joked and they both laughed at that remark, shaking hands as they re-introduced themselves. Olivia almost didn't want to let go of his hand because it was so soft, almost… delicate. He truly was different from the other guys she knew, even his hands felt nicer in comparison. "Yeah, sorry about that again, I got confused for which sport I was really trying out for." Sebastian joked, smiling at her. It was the same smile that made her feel all sorts of jumbled up inside. Olivia smiled back, hoping that now that they were lab partners, they would have time to get to know each other. She really wanted to explore this attraction, relieved that he was very much a boy.

After a couple of minutes of playful banter back and forth, Olivia could feel her cheeks hurting from smiling so much. She'd forgotten how good it felt to just be happy about absolutely nothing and everything at the same time. She was enjoying Sebastian's company so much that when Malcolm interrupted them with a lame attempt at being heroic, she could feel herself grimace at him. She had never, up until this very moment, wanted to physically hurt him as much as she did because he was a nuisance. He claimed that a piece of paper would catch on fire by simply being next to the Bunsen burner. If she wasn't trying so hard to get Sebastian to keep talking with her she would have impolitely told him that they wouldn't even be using them for another week, meaning that they weren't hooked up to the gas yet. Thus his transparent attempt at impressing her only further served to irritate her. She ripped the paper from his hands and quickly scanned through it to make sure that Malcolm didn't actually put it there himself. Her eyes took in the lines over and over again. "_Wake up. I have been waiting for you, to open your eyes so that I can tell you, that I think I'm ready. I'm ready to free-fall into… into the unknown... If you wanna be with me..._" She read the lines softly to herself just as Sebastian snatched the paper from her hands and shoved it into his binder, too embarrassed to let her finish reading the rest of the song. It wasn't necessary though, just from the opening verses she knew that Sebastian was the type of guy that would be open and honest regarding his feelings. He wouldn't be like her ex, needing to be one kind of person in front of his friends and another when they were alone. Olivia blushed and smiled at Sebastian, admitting that she was impressed by his lyrics. Prompting Malcolm to try to one-up the boy in front of her by singing a really creepy, stalker-ish song that made her realize that she needed to keep the curtains in her dorm drawn at all times from now on.

"They're truly amazing; will I get to hear you sing someday?" Olivia asked him, hoping that Sebastian wouldn't mind sharing that part of himself with her one day. The part that was so honest about willing to be open to love. To letting himself fall and be vulnerable along with someone that was ready to take that step with him. "Well, I'm a better soccer player than anything else." He answered, shyly, as he scratched his ear and looked down. He bit his lip and looked up at her before continuing. "And along those lines… you're probably going to have to take the reins on the whole dissection thing, because it kind of freaks me out" He blushed as he looked down at his hands, missing the way she smiled at him. She couldn't help but like him just a little bit more because of that confession. "Wow, most guys would never admit that." She reminded him, aware that he already felt comfortable enough to admit something like that to her, on their first day as lab partners. "Crap, you're right…" His eyes grow wide and he looks worried at having revealed this softer side of himself.

"No, I find it refreshing, that you're willing to admit to something like that." Olivia quickly told him, softly touching his arm so that he wouldn't think that she was going to use that against him by making fun of him for not being so excited about cutting things open and making them bleed. She sighed. _'How come every little thing that he does or says makes me fall more for him?'_ she asked herself before continuing their conversation. "And just to even things out, I'm not particularly fond of having to memorize all those really long scientific names during test time." She told him in a conspiratorial tone, trying to ease his mind about the whole dissection thing. He smiled, relieved that she didn't make fun of him. "Hey me either! I'm happy that we have that in common but also worried, since that means I can't cheat off of you during tests."

Olivia laughed at this. It was so easy to talk to him because he actually did talk to her. It made her feel like it was all right to ask to spend more time together, outside of the lab. "No but we could study together, since we're already partners for the rest of the semester it might make it easier, right?" Sebastian smiled widely and she mirrored his smile before he deflated and rolled his eyes, suddenly remembering something important. "Oh wait… I'm kind of bad at that too…" Olivia smiled sadly at this revelation. _'Well there goes that plan.'_ She thought bitterly before Sebastian interrupted her again. "…but I could bring the snacks and stuff if you don't mind tutoring me or something." Olivia grinned at this and laughed before answering. "Ok, that sounds fair." With that they both smiled at each other for a couple of seconds and before they knew it, the teacher finished taking attendance and was about to start class.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After lunchtime, Olivia had three more classes, beginning with IB English III, where as soon as she sat down, she was pleasantly surprised to see a certain boy walk in and excitedly take the seat next to hers. "Hello, once again Sebastian." She told him, trying to make her voice sound level. He smiled as he set his backpack down next to his seat, quickly leaning over so he could talk to her. He told her that he was relieved that there was a familiar face in the only English class that had an opening for him. Principal Gold had warned him that it might be a hard class for him, considering that he usually took regular English, where he was a straight C student. But now that there was a certain blonde in this class, he was sure to take advantage of their friendship to get extra tutoring time from her, because from what he heard from the guys during lunch, she actually had perfect grades.

"Hey, you think you could help me out with this class too then? I mean since we're study buddies and all? That and I kind of didn't know we had to read so much for English, like do they not trust us when we tell them we know the language?" He joked, hoping that Olivia would just say yes because without enlisting her help, he didn't know how he was going to survive Bio and English at the same time. Luckily, Olivia laughed as she bit her pen and nodded. "I know, right? Isn't it enough that we have to read a million things for other classes too?" His body relaxed at this and he shot her a smile as he grabbed his binder from his backpack and stuck a pencil between his teeth. When he put everything down on his desk he winked at her and put the pencil behind his ear. "Yeah and they give you so much stuff to read and write about, like we don't have any other classes besides theirs, or other stuff to do after school, like soccer."

Olivia blushed and for a moment her brain stopped. Was… was Sebastian flirting with her? She exhaled slowly and tried to remind herself that they were having some sort of conversation. "Soccer… so does this mean you'll be playing at the Oldham game this coming Friday?" His shoulders slumped and he leaned his weight on his elbows, pushing himself forward. "Naa, I don't think so. I made it as a second stringer so that means that I'll have to train extra hard if I even want to see the field by the Cornwall game later on in the season." He told her while biting his lip and looking at the board in front of them. "That's the rivalry game right?" This seemed to bring him out of whatever place he went off to and he quickly nodded at her, looking right at her.

"Yeah, and it's really important that I make it as a first stringer by then, I mean I would do anything for a spot on there." Olivia smiled at that, adding Sebastian's determination and willingness to work hard for what he wanted to accomplish into her list of things she liked about the boy sitting next to her.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The school day was over and Olivia couldn't wait to get to her dorm so she could tell Maria that not only did she see Sebastian but that she was now his official 'study buddy,' as he had dubbed her. It would be great; this was a no pressure zone where they could get to know another while they studied. This meant that all the alone time they had could be used to see if he was just as immature as the other boys in their grade or if he was interested in something more… something deeper, like he implied in his lyrics. She happily sighed as she dropped her books off at her desk, closed the blinds, and dropped down on top of her bed.

After a couple of minutes she decided that it would be more productive to wait for Maria while she did some homework. But as soon as she opened her history book, all she could do was flip back and forth through it, the words not really sinking in. She was waiting impatiently for her friend, hoping that the next set of keys that jingled in the hallway would be hers. Only to be disappointed once again to hear the steps walk by her door and open another room in their hall. She was about to give up just as Maria showed up. Her door handle turned and Olivia bit her lip, quickly looking down at her book and pretending that she was making great progress regarding her homework and that she hadn't been waiting this whole time.

Maria walked in and rolled her eyes at her friend, this morning she was a total wreck and during lunch she couldn't even string two words together, and suddenly here she was doing homework? She was calling bullshit. "So? What happened? You didn't really talk much during lunch because you kept staring off into space so there is no way you're actually reading. I want details!" Maria said as she threw her stuff all over the room, not really looking or caring, where it landed. Olivia shoved her history book aside and sat down on her bed, relieved that Maria was here and that they were alone so they could talk about her crush. "Sorry about that I was just so happy that he was in my biology class! And get this, not only that but we have the same English class and he asked me to be his study buddy!" She quickly said in one breath, taking a second to get air back into her body. She was in absolute disbelief that things were going her way with a guy she liked. Usually guys were either too nervous to approach her or all too eager and vulgar to do so. It was a relief to be able to joke and interact with a guy who didn't seem like he was trying too hard to be cool or show off that he was so manly or whatever. He was just Sebastian and she could just be herself.

"Well that sounds great Olivia, if you do "study" as you say, you should definitely do it at the reference section of the library, almost no one goes there because it's too far from the magazines and it's all the way across the library. Guaranteed alone time." Maria said with a special emphasis on the last part of her little speech, which was tinted with mockery. Olivia responded the only way she could, by throwing a pillow at her friend. Maria ducked a bit too late and was hit on the arm with a pillow. "Fine, ignore my masterful man advice, just don't come crying back to me when he actually wants to learn about Jessica Alba's bikini shots because you sat too close to the magazines." She rolled her eyes at Maria and her friend just shrugged it off, telling her that only nerds and losers used the library as an actual library and if Sebastian was going to be into her, she shouldn't try too hard to get him to learn anything besides what her lip gloss tasted like. Olivia threw her other pillow at her and Maria easily caught it and threw it back, laughing and telling her that it was nice to see her happy again. Olivia agreed because it really did feel nice. Not only was she finally over her breakup with her ex but tomorrow was guaranteed to be just as amazing as today had been. Sebastian would be sitting next to her in two of her classes and soon he would realize that Olivia might be more than just a study buddy.

Needless to say this was why it was a bit weird… ok, frustrating and shocking… when he started pointing to Duke Orsino and talking about him like he was the best guy in the whole school… instead of the one sitting right across from her.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for still reading and reviewing and loving the story even though I haven't updated in forever. I'm sorry! I feel terrible. But fear not, I will not abandon this fic or its sequel. I want to complete it and I have to... seeing as it is my new year's resolution.


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